Gog Almighty

Gog hears but he cares not

2008-12-25T01:07:00.000-08:00

Even Gog cannot remove stupidity

2008-10-26T10:52:00.000-07:00

Beware of false profits

2008-05-19T04:44:00.000-07:00

Buy low and sell high.

Begone spawn of Satan

2008-05-18T13:40:00.000-07:00

We all have our demons some big some small.

Even Gog forgets a condom

2008-05-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

Such a sweet young girl, how could Gog not tap that ass?

Take the hint my children

2008-02-10T01:34:00.000-08:00

I really only dislike you

2008-01-03T00:53:00.000-08:00

Time out

2007-11-13T14:45:00.000-08:00

Can we not postpone this until next week ? I have a pounding headache.

Think about it

2007-10-21T00:16:00.000-07:00

Religion

2007-09-06T22:06:00.000-07:00

So easy a caveman can misinterpret it.

At a cost

2007-08-28T00:52:00.000-07:00

Hes conflicted

2007-07-20T23:03:00.000-07:00

Out of the mouths of babes

2007-07-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

Little Susie was watching her father, a pastor, write a sermon.

"How do you know what to say?" she asked.

"Why, Gog tells me."

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

Sun of Gog

2007-07-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

"Gogdamn I can never remember my pin number."

Jesus bombs!

2007-07-15T00:41:00.000-07:00

At first guess I would say the Jews.

Gog helps those too drunk to help themselves

2007-07-09T14:43:00.000-07:00

I'm the good looking one.

Yes Jesus touched me

2007-07-06T12:10:00.000-07:00

Big or small he loves them all.

Too much of a bad thing

2007-07-03T23:16:00.000-07:00

All you need is Gog

2007-05-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in Dennys on my 4th cup of java and 3rd basket of cheesesticks trying to get worked up to start off my day. I tell people I'm Gog and they go "yeah yeah where did you escape from?" or its all angry "you blasphemer you'll burn in hell" I guess that's what happens when you try to give out free love. I saw this elderly lady walking with the aid of a stick , I grabbed it and wrenched it away from her grasp while shouting " The Lard has healed you, run skip and be free of pain" this woman's faith must of been weak as she fell onto her face and starting shouting "HELP, RAPE RAPE" well I had no intentions of waiting around while she got help to rape me, that's all people think about these days. Lucifer was right people are bastards.

In your opinion

2007-04-19T01:13:00.000-07:00

Discount loving

2007-04-14T00:48:00.000-07:00

After Gog had created Adam he noticed that he looked very lonely.
He decided to help.He said "Adam,
I've decided to make you a woman.
She'll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you.
"Adam said "Great! How much will she cost me?
"The answer came back, "An arm and a leg."
"Well," said Adam "what can I get for a rib?"

Gog gives you want you need not what you want.

2007-01-30T15:29:00.000-08:00

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to Gog, "Lard, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?" Gog asks her.

"Lard," she says, "I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lard, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples," she says.

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution.

I shall create a man for you," the good Lard tells her. "What's a 'man', Lard?" she inquires. "This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressivetendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lard?" she asks.

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

Jesus is everywhere.

2007-01-21T00:38:00.000-08:00

Its all very clever and symbolic. I don't know why I bother sometimes.

Adam and Steve

2007-01-15T15:57:00.000-08:00

Gog has many children.

Gog has a plan for us all.

2007-01-10T00:08:00.000-08:00

I didn't say you would like it.

Christian Smugness.

2007-01-01T17:47:00.000-08:00

"so anyway my life has been perfect since turning to God I feel so morally superior to everyone else".

God? who is that? did you know your husband is fugging the maid? enjoy your morally superior STD for I Gog am a jealous Gog.

Slavery.

2006-12-28T21:34:00.000-08:00

Exodus 21:2 'When you purchase a Hebrew slave...'

This shit didn't come from me, honest.

I have found you Gog.

2006-12-10T10:44:00.000-08:00

"Jesus saw me coming so he shut the fucking gates".

Gog is one

2006-12-08T15:14:00.000-08:00

The Prince of lies

2006-12-07T12:27:00.000-08:00

The road to Hell is paved with assholes

2006-11-30T21:04:00.000-08:00

I look nothing like an Ape

2006-11-26T22:10:00.000-08:00

I look nothing like a Human

2006-11-25T22:08:00.000-08:00

House of Gog

2006-11-22T22:30:00.000-08:00

Young people today

2006-11-21T22:22:00.000-08:00

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lard . Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. (2 Kings 2:23-24)

In those days there were a lot of trees and bears about around bethel.

Happy meal?

2006-11-19T23:24:00.000-08:00

Deuteronomy 28:53
"And thou shalt eat of the fruit of thine own body, that of thy sons and of thy daughers, which the Lard thy Gog hath given thee."

I had a bad day at work and the kids were really pissing me off.

Gog gets it right eventually

2006-11-12T23:05:00.000-08:00

Man to Gog: "Gog, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
Gog to Man: "So you would love her."
"But Gog", Man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
Gog replies: "So she would love you."

Gog created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft before
creating a masterpiece.

Diamonds are a girl's best friends.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?

Single women complain that all good men are married, while all married women
complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such
thing as a good man.

Ever notice how many of women's problems can be traced to the male gender?
MENstruation
MENopause
MENtal breakdown
GUYnecology
HIMmorrhoids

What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Why do men like BMWs?
They can spell it.

What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.

Why are men like popcorn?
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.

Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months or 10,000
miles, whichever came first.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Want to meet Gog?

2006-10-22T10:33:00.000-07:00

A little light reading

2006-10-17T12:45:00.000-07:00

In the beginning Gog created the heaven and the earth.
And the earth was sorta crap, and void; and darkness was pretty fucking dark.
And the Spirit of Gog moved upon the top of the waters.
And Gog said, where is that fucking light switch? ok I found it, Let there be light: and there was light.
And Gog saw the light, and said,"I've seen better"

Gog envy.

2006-10-04T23:48:00.000-07:00

What is the difference between Gog and a social worker?

Gog doesn't pretend to be a social worker

The Commandments

2006-10-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

1) Thou shall have no other Gogs in line before me.

2) Thou shall tremble before me or face my raft .

3) Thou shall not kill unless its Pedophiles, Rapists or Politicians.

4) Thou shall not steal unless its something you really want like an image off the net .

5) Thou shall honor no one's opinion but mine.

6) Thou shall send me naked pictures if you are a really hot chick.

7) Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's ass unless shes really hot.

8) Thou shall not take my name in vain, so watch your mouth.

9) Thou shall not commit adultery though being drunk doesn't count.

10) Thou shall honor your father and your mother unless they are any of # 3 or just Dickheads.

11) If thou won't be good then don't get caught.